Frat Boy Parties

Last night was rough. For some reason I thought I would try and tweak Keegan's bedtime a bit. It resulted in him falling asleep super quick and being in bed 30 minutes sooner than he normally does. He was also fairly easy to get back to sleep the first time he woke up. Wow! This is awesome.

I went to bed at 10.

Less than 5 minutes later he's awake again (I'm not really surprised as he doesn't sleep more than 40 minutes anyway) so I go out and bring him back to bed with me. It's the same thing I do every night, Pinky.

Then 10:00 became 11:00.

And 11:00 became 12:00.

Keegan is dancing in the bed. Literally dancing. He holds my head for support on the soft surface and awkwardly dances while singing.

Seriously?

Did I mention he's 14 months old?

I called out for Daddy to come take my little partier away since I needed to work in the morning and he didn't. He tried for about 10 minutes to get him to sleep which I knew would fail. He had no sleep in his body and was fully energized for a play session.

They go downstairs. No point trying to force sleep that will not come. It's what I would have done too.

Keegan's toy of choice: That F- ing Corn Popper!
Keegan's voice of choice: The Loudest Yells and Calls EVER!

So much for sleep.

I lay in bed tossing and turning hoping for sleep to come through all this racket while watching the clock tick away. I briefly considered just getting up for the day by 1:30. I'm too tired for that crap. I'll just lay here and get more frustrated that I can't sleep.

Then I realized. Keegan is my child. Yes, I know he's my child, but he's really my child. I am not a good sleeper. It takes me forever to go to sleep and I wake frequently. I went years without sleeping through the night and that was long before baby and before Mr. Newman. You know what this means, right? He probably won't sleep through the night forever. He hasn't yet.

I give up.

2:00. Dood comes in with what I imagine to be bloodshot eyes and a weary look on his face. "I'm exhausted"

Yup. Me too. Give me the monster and he can hang out with me til the sun comes up. I'm not getting any sleep anyway.

Well wouldn't you know it. Ten minutes later he snuggles in for a spoon. Too bad he messed up the coordinates and ended up with his foot on my head and his head near my arse. Ha! Not a good spot to be in, buddy. But it's sleep. I drift off peacefully thinking he's got to be tired enough to give me a few hours.

3:30. "I want boob." While he didn't actually say it, pulling up my shirt as he screams in my face is pretty much the international sign for boobs.

4:00. Ok, he's got some warm milk in his belly, and he's GOT to be tired. This should be it.

5:30. Flopping around like a fish out of water and complaining. I ignore him. He goes back to sleep.

7:00. Shit. I slept in. Well, I slept later than I should have. Where's Keegan? Head to arse again and I'm on the edge of the bed while that prime real estate near the wall remains un-slept in. Awesome. Who needs a queen bed with you sleep on an area the size of a small cot?

Since I can't wear sweat pants to work I chose my wrinkly cotton dress that's better than sweats and I have the worst bedhead ever. A little under eye concealer and I stumble downstairs ready to start the day.

Guess who will be going to bed at his normal bedtime tonight?

Who am I when I'm not mommy?

It’s funny how absolutely everything in your life can change in an instant. I mean everything. As I returned to work after my one year of government-paid maternity leave (for which I am incredibly grateful) I struggled once again to find my identity.

I have always worked. It may have been at Blockbuster, for provincial government, or as a laborer for odd jobs such as painting but I worked. I earned my way. Then suddenly, I was unemployed. Not only that but I was “stuck” with this screaming thing that couldn’t do anything for himself and needed me 24/7 and I had no idea what the f I was doing. I longed to go back to work. I knew how to be a business analyst. I was good at it. I was interested in it. No one screamed at me. I didn’t feel the need to hide in a closet and cry for 20 minutes.

Then, as time passed and my little thing grew and began to become a person, it got a little easier. Oh look, he can sit on his own. Oh he can roll over! Haha, look, he is petting Newman. This is easier now that he can eat solid food and feed himself. Boy do I love this baby led weaning stuff! Did you see that! He stood on his own! Oh my goodness! Ahh! He took two steps! He’s walking! When did he start walking!? And the list goes on. Those first giggles and smiles. First foods, first steps.

My first love.

I love his dad immensely but my goodness, it’s incredible the love I have for this little person. I would go to the ends of the earth and back without batting an eye for him. I would gladly give up my life for him if I needed to. It’s quite intense and it’s something I was not prepared for in the slightest. I knew I would love him but I had no idea the extent of it.

I loved spending all day and all night with him. Of course, I loved my little mommy moments too where I got to go to the store alone but I always rushed home to get back to him. And he loves spending time with me too. He is happy when I come home and sad when I leave. He’s my little wingman.

Cut to that last day of maternity leave. The sick feeling of dread creeped into my psyche. That feeling of loss. That horrible feeling that tomorrow I would be spending the most time I have ever spent away from him. That I would have to wait all day before I could hold him, kiss him, nurse him, see him smile and giggle. I felt ill.

But we get through it.

But now the pressure is on mommy to once again struggle with her identity. This is something I was not prepared for. I need to relearn the job, the people, the processes. I need to focus on work while trying to not watch the ticking clock and counting down to the moment I can shut down the computer and speed out of the parking lot to go home to see him. My priorities and viewpoints have changed. It’s a tough transition.

I’m actually really excited about the goings on at work and it is a very interesting point in my career but I face it with hesitation knowing that this exciting stuff is not the same kind of exciting as my home life. It’s all adjustments and recalibrating I suppose. But still, that face. He’s what keeps me going. He is my fight, my drive, and my determination.

My love.

Photo credit: Kara Rohl

A letter to my pregnant self

Dear Self,
I know you have seen a lot of these types of letters to a younger self imparting wisdom and whatnot. Well, you get your own personal letter.
You're thinking that you have a pretty good idea how to care for an infant and what it is going to be like. You're so wrong. Take heed. I also know that you have baby brain so I'm going to spell it out for you.

1. Stop saying "any day" after you hit 37 weeks. You still have a month to go and it will feel like 9 if you keep saying "any day."

2. Labor isn't scary or extremely painful. Remember when you broke your leg and walked on it for a week? Yeah, that was worse.

3. Your baby will weigh 9 lbs so lay off the brownies and you might get a baby that is slightly smaller and easier to squeeze out your who-ha.

4. It's a boy. Sorry to ruin the surprise but you sorta knew all along.

5. Your sweet baby boy will not sleep. You will sleep even less. I'm talking minutes per night, not hours.

6. Breastfeeding is hard but you will stick it out and it will get better.

7. Day 3 is the hardest. But so is day 4, day 5, day 6... you get the idea.

8. You will feel like you are losing your mind on many occassions but believe me, it gets a little easier the more you get to know him and what he wants.

9. Start reading "The Wonder Weeks" now so you are prepared for that first leap.

10. Hire a post-partum doula now. No excuses.

11. When you stand up for the first time after giving birth it will feel like there is too much room for all your organs in your body. No, they don't fall out of you even though it will feel like it.

12. Hydrate! All. The. Time.

13. Hemeroids suck.

14. Prepare more freezer meals. You burn through the ones you did pretty quickly.

15. If it bothers you so much that the dishes are piling up and you can't do them yourself, stop looking at them. They will get done eventually.

16. Someone will tell you that your baby is spirted. Sounds cool, right? Yeah, I'm sure it's a cool personality trait but it makes your job a hell of a lot harder. Please read this: The Fussy Baby Site. They tell it like it is and make no apologies. You will see your own thoughts and emotions written in various places on this site and it will make you feel better. It will reassure you that you are not a bad mom. And you're not. Believe me.

17. Nothing beats that first moment when K is placed in your arms at the end of your labor. It feels like the planets aligned and the sun shone brighter and the birds sang sweeter songs. It is the single most life altering experience you will ever have. Drink it in. It is beautiful and lovely. Then remember that moment when you lose your hearing in one ear after your baby screams for five hours and nothing comforts him. Zen.

Being a mother is tough work but you're doing a good job. You're trying everything and you are not giving up. Everyone will tell you that it gets easier and better. I'll let you know when that starts to become true.

Adventures of Keegee-D

I'm sure most children his age (almost 8 months) are as busy as he is. We frequent the mall play areas and indoor playgrounds just so he can expend energy in a place other than the house. Same activities in other surroundings are great.

Here are a few things we have been up to in the past couple months.

A history in photos:

Watching TV at Stir Crazy

 Playing with trucks (my fav)

 Driving around town

 And around the mall

 Taking the sled out for a spin

 With Mr. Newman

 Drunk off fresh air

 Swimming for the first time

 Out for brunch at Milestones for the first time on Father's Day

 Riding in my Jeep

 Swinging the day away

 Cooling off at the water park

 Relaxing under the big top

 Snuggle walking with Mommy

Enjoying the scenery with Daddy

 Playing at the mall

 Dressed up for Halloween

Trying lots of new foods

 Having fun with my fur brother

 Posing for GQ magazine

 Playing with Mommy

 Generally being awesome

He's getting very good at crawling and is using one knee to push himself. I'm predicting by next week he will be crawling. The leaps he has made in the past couple weeks are nothing short of astonishing. I love to see human development happen before my very eyes. It's truly amazing. It's one thing to study developmental psychology, it's quite another to experience it.

EcoBumz Cloth Diaper Review

After writing my review for the ZiggleBaby diaper, I was asked by the owner of the EcoBumz company to test and write a review for their diapers. The two companies go hand-in-hand. I'm not going to get into the history but dive straight into the review. I do have a five month old in the house after all.


I took home two EcoBumz (EB) diapers about a month ago and let me tell you how they differ from my ZiggleBaby (ZB) and Bum Genius (BG) diapers. My other diapers are one size meaning they will fit your baby from about 8 lbs to about 35 lbs or so. The EcoBumz diaper is a fitted diaper that can not be snapped or folded to make them bigger or smaller. Well, I suppose you could do that but I wouldn't recommend it.

The next difference between the BG and EB is located between the legs. I really love this, actually. The EB diaper is not as wide between the legs which is great for my little guy. I get concerned sometimes (like a mom would) that diapers rub his thighs too much or are making him bow-legged. I know I don't really need to worry but I really like the fit on little K.

Another thing that I really love about this diaper is that it's an all-in-one meaning that it doesn't need to be stuffed or folded or anything. This diaper, like most all-in-ones, have the option of adding more fluff. I really like this feature but I have never had to use it. Mind you, the longest K is in a diaper is 3-4 hours.

 

Of course, as with the ZB diapers, it is made from the "fasten anywhere" material where the low-laying hook and loop can literally be fastened anywhere. This can cause an issue which brings me to my first "con" of this review.

If you have diapers with poor hook and loop (otherwise known as Velcro) they may dance and bump and grind in the washer and dryer leading to something of a diaper gang bang when you pull them out of your dryer. Of course, the same happens in the washer even if you are fortunate enough to have a clothes line.

This photo shows all my BG diapers that need the Velcro replaced snuggling up to one EB diaper. I'll save you the trouble of counting, there are 12 diapers. I should say this is not the fault of the EB diapers. All my other diapers that have good Velcro and the laundry tabs hold during the wash do not get involved in this mess. But, I would be remissed to not mention this one thing.

 

One other "con" that I have come to notice occasionally with the diaper is that it can feel a little damp if he is sitting on my knee. There is no leakage and the diaper is waterproof so I am not sure if it is caused by the diaper or if it's because I'm so darn hot all the time. Either way, I felt I should mention it. I only noticed it once of all the times he wore the diapers.

The website claims that it is stain-resistant and I do apologize but I am unable to comment on that as K is EC trained and I haven't cleaned a poopy diaper in quite some time. He had a few accidents while we were travelling about a month ago but not since we have been home. He has never pooped in an EB diaper.

Well, that's all the time I have for this review. My little sunshine is awake and wanting his mommy so I best end here. If my two or three readers have any questions about the product please put it in the comments below and I will do my best to answer them. If I can't answer them directly I can speak with someone at EcoBumz who can.

Thanks for reading! Happy cloth diapering!

The Benefits of Co-Sleeping

I said I would do it, so here 'tis.

Unfortunately I don't have anyone who can come over during the day to help out since we live thousands of kilometres away from family. Well, I have a brother who lives in the city but he is afraid to hold my baby and gags at the mention of poop. So no help there. And since it takes a village to raise a child and I am certainly not a one person village, I needed to find something that could work to save my sanity.

We struggled (and continue to struggle) with sleep with Keegan. I've never seen a newborn fight it so much! He will be warm with a full tummy and a clean bum and show signs of being tired - but he won't sleep. As I type this I am wearing him in his Boba (love this carrier by the way) while bouncing on a ball and I have white noise playing on the computer speakers. This gets him to sleep but as soon as one of these elements is removed he will wake up and be even crankier than before I put him to sleep in the first place. It's a vicious cycle that we are trying to find a way out of. But for now, I'll do whatever it takes to get him to rest even if it keeps me up all night.

When it comes to his nighttime routine I wish we had one. I take him to bed with me at either 9-ish or midnight-ish. Dood is sleeping in the other room right now since little K shares my bed with me. Yes, I refer to it as my and mine since Dood has all but moved out of the room for now. One of us needs to sleep at night and since I am the one with boobs and he is the one who brings home the bacon, little K is with me.

When I was using his bassinet I would wake up when he needed to be fed and take him to his room where the rocking chair and nursing pillow welcomed me. Half way through the feed when he was starting to fall asleep I would change him to piss him off and wake him up, then nurse him back to sleep so I was sure he had a full tummy and clean bum. Then I would put him back in his bassinet where he would sleep for 10 hours. Yeah right! More like ten minutes. Then I would spend the next 2 to 3 hours trying to calm him from his melt down and put him back to sleep. By then he would be hungry again so he would have slept for about another 10 minutes. It was horrible. I was averaging about one hour of sleep per 24 hours and this sleep was for a few minutes here and there. Some times I would wake up to find myself with boob in K's mouth and my head resting on his leg. That damn hormone that is released while breastfeeding that puts you to sleep is the worst in the first few weeks.

I finally had a meltdown and called my midwife who came over to discuss coping and options. The skinny of it was that I should share my bed with little K and learn to breastfeed laying down. Dude, I'll do anything. The first night we did this he woke up twice to feed. He was so much happier and so was this mama. We have not had another night like that since but it is something I strive for now. I am getting more sleep than I was thankfully, but not as much as I would like. Most of the time he is just fussy... for every reason. He doesn't have the greatest self-coping skills and relies of me to help him. This usually entails breastfeeding. I know that some of the experienced mothers are shaking their heads at me and saying I will pay for it down the road but I don't care for a couple reasons. Number 1: I live in the now and right now I am going to do what works and worry about tomorrow when the time comes. Number 2: The one or two people who read my blog probably don't care :)

Anyway, the bottom line is, if you find yourself in the same predicament that I did where you and your newborn are not sleeping and you find yourself on the couch crying at 5 am with a screaming baby and feeling like a horrible mother - you're not alone. You're not a horrible mother, your baby isn't broken, and you have options. Try sharing your bed just make sure you do so safely. K sleeps in the middle of my bed no matter which breast he is feeding from and the pillows are off the bed except the one I am using and it's far enough away I don't need to worry about his finding his way under it. Also, I use a warm bed sheet so the comforter is not over him. He is swaddled tighter than a frog's arse and I am not under the influence of any drugs. Oh, and I put down a receiving blanket that I change daily in case of any spills or spit up.

Still not convinced. Check out this article on Dr. Sears' website: Scientific Benefits of Co-Sleeping

Oh yeah, and white noise helps a lot. I use this video and it helps put me to sleep too. Twelve hours of white noise

The other thing I downloaded that is very helpful for the car when he is freaking out and I am driving is the baby shusher app. Greatest invention ever!

Sleeping like a baby

ZiggleBaby Product Review

I've been a mom for three weeks and a day and I have changed many a diaper. Keegan had his bum wrapped in cloth diapers for about two weeks. I bought a pack of disposables for the first week or so until the meconium was cleared and I felt like I might actually somewhat have the hang of being a mommy. Well, I did say somewhat.

Before Keegan was born I purchased a bunch of one size cloth diapers from kijiji, The Calgary Cloth Diaper Depot, and ZiggleBaby. Most of my friends really like Bum Genius so my stash is mainly comprised of this brand. I also have a small arsenal of ZiggleBaby and that is the purpose of this review.

ZiggleBaby (or Zigs as I like to call them) is a relatively new brand that I didn't know about before I bought them. They sell one-size cloth diapers through their website listed here. They also sell that lovely laundry ball I wrote about earlier. I compare them to the Bum Genius (BG) I have in my drawer as well.

Zigs are the true one-size diaper. Keegan has leaked out of his BG diapers and I have had to change his entire outfit. They are absorbent enough but when he is laying on his side the pee can come out the legs because they don't really fit the best. That is why I love my ZiggleBaby diapers more. That gusset in the legs have saved many a sleeper and onesie in the past three weeks. I also really like the idea that it doesn't need to be stuffed like my BG diapers need to be. You just lay the pad on top and secure it with the magic buttons. Most of the time I can just put down another pad and not have to wash the outer shell because the mess is contained so well.

Now to the fit. I love that these really are one size and yet not nearly as bulky as my BG diapers. His ghetto booty is not nearly as ghetto in these diapers. And the best part is that they will grow with him. These are definitely the first diaper I reach for and they are also my motivator for getting my diaper laundry done as often as it needs to be done because I want more clean Zigs in my drawer.

I love the color selection and I would love to see more colors and patterns as the business grows. But really, he is wearing clothes over them so it doesn't really matter what colors they are. The colors are more for me anyway. :)

Please check out their youtube channel for more information and reviews: YouTube

Sorry that this is the quick and dirty review but I wanted to post something because I love these diapers so much. I am literally bouncing on my ball with Keegan in his carrier and strapped to my chest. This little dove needs to sleep but won't unless he is touching me. I'll write about co-sleeping and baby wearing another time.